Gingerbread Man and Then Some

Clockwise L. to Rt.: Gingerbread cookies; Garage entry door w/ 'the little morsel'; Our dog ... ak.a. one prop
(Click on images to enlarge).









At school, my five-year-old son read The Gingerbread Man and is now doing theme based activities. Yesterday morning, each child decorated a big gingerbread man cookie with all kinds of M&M's, Skittles and icing - making the children super excited to eat them at lunchtime. But to their chagrin, when they returned to class, all the cookies had run away. My boy tells me this, in the car, through a waterfall of tears and jerky convulsion like motions ... he was a crying mess when I picked him up from school. So, being a good mom, off to the store we went buying all the necessary gingerbread cookie ingredients to make our own at home. Once this feat was accomplished, my little "monkey shiner" sees one piece of dough, too small to make a gingerbread man, left over. He decides to strategically place "it" by the garage entry door to trick his dad into thinking there was a "dog accident". It worked brilliantly.

My husband, "Dianaaaaa! ... There's 'something' by the door over here!" To his horror, my son walks over, while laughing hysterically, picks it up and pops it in his mouth ----- !
( I believe his laughter gave him away because five-year-old's have zero secret keeping and joke telling ability. ) CLICK ON THE PHOTOS TO MAKE THEM LARGER

Skunked ...

My five-year-old son and I were shopping when I smelled a distinct smell ... you know the one, that specific smell of your child's methane. So I asked him if he had gas ... he passed the buck, quickly and loudly, "Maybe it is YOUR smell that you are smelling."

Lynn K.

Crocodile, Teacher and Student

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

My Offspring?!

When at the mall, with my four-year-old daughter, I could just instinctively tell she was up to something. She was grinning that grin (you know the look your child has) but I just disregarded it and smiled back. A little while earlier she had given me a big hug and said that she loved me and I, of course, hugged her back and told her that I loved her too. Well, mid-shopping trip I hear people around me laughing and laughing ... I thought that they were laughing at other things so I didn't give it too much thought. I had made my way over to the perfume section and was trying a few out when this lady walked up to me and whispered, "I'm so sorry to say this, but you have a trail of toilet paper behind you. You may want to take it out." My head jerked this immediate 180, first behind me and then down. And yes, it was instant mortification ... I had toilet paper tucked in my pants and it hung down onto the floor like a wedding train. I glared at my daughter and she is now laughing hysterically. My own four-year-old daughter stuck toilet paper in my pants while she hugged me!!! I can't believe that my own flesh and blood did that - and she's was only four!!! Am I in for it or what?!

Rosalind V.

Dullsville At This Church Service ...

We went to church with my parents, and the pastor was droning on as usual. As she was announcing what was next, my four-year-old son yells out, "BUT I'M HUNGRY!" He said this to my mom but the ENTIRE congregation heard and just started laughing. The pastor chuckled and said, "I'm hungry, too." I was mortified.

Ali Blogger

Full Moon in Daylight

I was on the beach with my four-year-old daughter and six-year-old son. In one hand, I held a drink, in the other, a sandwich. It was at that moment that my daughter needed my attention. She started out quite commonplace with, “Mommy, mommy, mommy ...” but my response time wasn’t quick enough for her, so she yanked on my bikini bottom! The string on my hip came undone and I mooned everyone on the beach!

Kim

photo credit: http://www.sydneyobservatory.com.au/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/xmaspartymoon.jpg

Bell Ringer

When getting my two-year-old daughter potty trained we would make a big deal about her using the toilet. To emphasize her accomplishment we would loudly ring a bell, one with a long wooden handle coming off the top of it, and say, “Yes, good girl!!! You went pee-pee in the potty!!!” Everyone in the family was involved in this bell-ringing spectacle: Mom, Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, would all use this same kind of encouraging reward for proper bathroom etiquette. Now here we are at Sunday mass, with a congregation of about three hundred - right before the blessing of wine and bread. The entire assembly is so hushed you can only hear your heartbeat … and they ring the bell, ending the deafening silence … then Amanda yells out, “Father went pee-pee on the potty!!! Yea!!!” My family and I laughed so loud we almost choked – everyone else had no earthly idea what was so funny! Since we all know God has a sense of humor I am sure he laughed along with us!

Cooper G.

Camping

My daughter was four-years-old when my husband and I were looking through old photos, pitching many of them in the trash. One that made it into the trash was a photo taken eight-years-ago, right after my husband and I got married. We had been camping and I snapped a photo of his bare bottom as he scrambled into the tent. As luck would have it, my daughter finds this very photo and has me explaining that this was taken a long, long, time ago, and that Mommy and Daddy were just being silly. So my daughter listens to my entire explanation and gives me a calm and disarming, “Okay.” To which I then pitched the photo into the garbage can - thinking that was that. But no ... of course not, this is a four-year-old. The next night we attended our Wednesday evening church service. The teacher asked everyone if they knew of anyone that needed prayer; instantly, my daughter speaks up and says, “Yes, you need to pray for my mom – she takes naked pictures of my dad.” Absolute mortification - Especially because my husband is now the pastor of our church!

Shelly

photo credit: http://www.eurekatent.com/

Little Cowboy

My vivacious and outgoing four-year-old little boy was learning the cowboy dance in his unnamed Catholic preschool; we may get excommunicated if I divulge the name! The preschool teacher emphasized the fact that you must really bend your knees and get down close to the floor while you twirl the lasso with your hand above. My four-year-old ‘Chippendale’ dancer tells his Catholic preschool teacher that when he bends that low that his penis hits the floor! Okay, this was one time I was very sorry I taught him the anatomically correct name for his body parts. Maybe those cute little nicknames would have sufficed! Fortunate for me, the preschool teacher was a champ and we still laugh about it today!

Eileen M.

photo credit: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/AGF/8874~Cowboy-and-Sunset-Posters.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Cowboy-and-Sunset-Posters_i411792_.htm&h=450&w=359&sz=26&tbnid=IjH6Xf8sHa8J::&tbnh=127&tbnw=101&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcowboy&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=3&ct=image&cd=1

Napkin Anyone?

My son stumbled upon a box of maxi-pads in my bathroom closet. Asking what they are were, I was stumped for a proper answer. I eventually told him that they are napkins used for a very special occasion. Fast forward about four months. We are having a dinner party, at our home, for my husband’s boss and his wife. As we all walk into the dining room I, as well as everyone else, are all staring at maxi-pads sitting at each place setting! My son knew it was a special occasion with special guests. I never recovered from the embarrassment ALL evening long.

Tina

photo credit: http://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_pages/0008-0405-0400-5824.html

Goat-tee

My daughter and I were in line at the grocery store. While we were standing there, my four-year-old daughter kept turning around and staring at the young man behind her. I could see that he was getting uncomfortable because she wasn’t saying anything - just staring. In a friendly gesture, the young man said, “Hi there. How are you?” My daughter decided not to answer his question. Instead, she decided to completely mortify me by saying, “My mommy has one of those. But hers is down here" ...  pointing 'down yonder!' I just wanted to curl up and die; the young man had a goat-tee!

Deborah

Cigar Anyone?

I am at the library with Liam, my red head, who was three-years-old at the time.  As I am searching for a book necessary for my paralegal studies, unbeknownst to me, Liam is looting through my purse.  Suddenly I hear laughter in the library amid shocked gasps.  I turn to find Liam, who has successfully found a tampon, unwrapped it and is smoking it like his daddy does cigars. Another reason NOT to smoke around the kids!

Annie L.

Paper thin

My daughter and I were at the mall on a girls shopping spree. My daughter is usually a very quiet and shy girl - I can only guess that she didn’t realize people could hear you through those paper thin fitting-room walls.  So we go into a fitting-room and while I’m changing my shirt, with the rooms at full capacity, she looks up at me and mentions how big my boobs are. I politely tell her to lower her voice and that my boobs are normal for an adult. I guess she just couldn’t resist, because she then looks at me and very loudly says, “Well, they are gross and hanging out ... I think you need to put them away!”  I was mortified, and of course, you could hear the other women chuckling.
 
Trisley B.

Bathroom Break Away

My daughter and I were at the Georgia aquarium and I just finished changing her diaper in the women’s restroom. We walked out and washed our hands and before I could pick her up, and strap her into the stroller, she took off running! She ran straight out of the ladies room and straight into the men’s room! It was a restroom-to-restroom setup - one of those without a door, just a wall to walk around to enter. I did what any mother would do … I bolted after her - leaving the stroller, my purse, and all our belongings outside unattended – and running right into the men’s room!! I ran with my head down, eyes shielded, and yet all the while looking for her and trying to grab only her! There were urinals on both sides of the room and (of course) she ran straight down the middle before I caught her. Unfortunately, for me, it wasn’t a slow day at the aquarium. All urinals were at one hundred percent occupancy and we got several loud comments, such as, “Whoa!” and, “What the heck?!” trying to get out of there!

Staci C.

The Good Napkins

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet, then asked my mother why she was keeping ''napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second mistake). Now fast forward a few months ... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife. We were all given assignments while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!! My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"

Keri W.

Blast Off!

My husband and I took our lovely granddaughter to see the space shuttle launch at The Kennedy Space Center. When she returned to her preschool, she decided to draw a picture, of that launch, for her classmates. As she drew her picture, the teacher, room-mom, and me looked at one other unhinged with suffocating laughter ... the attention to detail could not be denied.  There "it was," complete with thrusters, lift off emphasis and trajectory ... 

Layne W.

9-1-1

We were on a wonderful family vacation with friends and having a great time. This particular morning everyone gathered in our hotel suite deciding our plan for the day. All of a sudden we began hearing the deafening sound of sirens heading up the street. The sound became louder and louder as they got nearer-and-nearer … then, to my utter disbelief, my three-year-old daughter begins to speak. In her three-year-old little voice she tells me, “I call the fire people … hotel on fire…911 ...” All part of her imaginary play but my reality! Yes, they came all right – right into the hotel, and I had a ton of explaining to do, especially when they traced the call to my room.

Jeannie L.

Proud "Papa"

My youngest son was only four-years-old, and was from my previous marriage, when I married my current sweetheart. Our wedding ceremony was just beautiful and it overlooked the Smoky Mountains along the Blue Ridge Parkway. After the wedding, we joined all of our friends, and family for our reception dinner. My son said he had to go potty during the dinner, so I asked my husband to take him to the boys’ room. Apparently, my husband decided to capitalize on this opportunity as well. When they arrived back at the table, and in front of everyone, my son stopped, looked up at "daddy," and said quite audibly, "Boy Daddy, you've got a big pee-pee!"  Needless to say, the entire room roared with laugher!  Yet my husband simply smiled, put his hand on my son’s shoulder, and said, "That's my boy!" 

Christine

Taco Time-Out

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking ... "Oh Lord, if that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me ..." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse … So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While thirty people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

Anonymous

A Huge Toddler Threat

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving right now she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said, in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

Anonymous
photo credit:http://www.timespub.tc/fileadmin/user_upload/business/Summer2006/TCI-Bank-Lobby.jpg